No one hands you a manual when you become a parent. Sure, there are books, blogs, and advice from well-meaning relatives, but most of us figure things out as we go, learning through trial and error, good days and tough ones.

And let us be honest: every parent makes mistakes. It is part of the job. We lose our patience, we say the wrong thing, we worry too much or not enough, and sometimes we second-guess everything. 

Still, some parenting habits, though common and often unintentional, can quietly cause more harm than we realize. Over time, these missteps can chip away at our connection with our children, affect their confidence, or make parenting harder than it needs to be.

This post is not here to guilt-trip you. It is here to gently point out a few of those common pitfalls many of us fall into, explain why they matter, and share what we can do instead. Because the truth is, parenting does not have to be perfect, but we can greatly benefit from reflection and small, thoughtful changes.

So let us take a closer look at five costly (but fixable) mistakes in parenting and how a few simple shifts can make a big difference for both you and your child.

1. Trying to Be the ‘Perfect Parent’

Many parents put a quiet pressure on themselves to do everything “right.” You might feel like you should always have the right answer, always stay calm, never raise your voice, and somehow raise happy, kind, confident children while juggling work, life, and everything else.

The truth? That kind of pressure is exhausting and impossible.

No one gets it all the time (even me). And trying to chase perfection often leaves you feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and full of guilt. It can also make parenting feel more like a performance than a relationship.

What to do instead:

Children don’t need perfect parents. What they need are real ones, ones who show up, make mistakes, and keep trying. They learn from watching how we handle our own tough moments, how we apologize when we mess up, and how we care for ourselves when we are stretched thin.

When you let go of perfection, you create space for connection, and that is what children remember most.

2. Not Allowing Children to Feel Difficult Emotions

It is hard to watch your child cry or get upset. It is tempting to jump in and make it go away quickly. You might say things like, “Don’t cry,” or “It is not that bad,” or even try to distract them with something fun.

It comes from a good place. You want your child to feel better. But when we rush to fix or avoid those feelings, we accidentally send a message that big emotions are wrong or should be hidden.

The problem is, children need to learn how to feel and process difficult emotions, like disappointment, frustration, sadness, or anger. These emotions are part of life. If they don’t get practice feeling and naming them when they are young, they will struggle with them later.

What to do instead:
When your child is upset, start by simply sitting with them. Stay calm. Let them cry if they need to. 

Just being there, listening, and naming what they are feeling is often enough. Over time, this teaches your child that emotions, even the tough ones, are safe to feel and that they don’t have to go through them alone.

3. Not Setting Clear and Consistent Boundaries

Setting limits is not always fun. No parent enjoys hearing “That is not fair!” or dealing with a meltdown after saying “no.” And on tired days or in public, it can feel easier to give in than to hold the line.

But when boundaries shift depending on our mood, energy level, or situation, it can confuse children. They start to test more, not because they are “bad,” but because they are unsure of where the limits really are.

Children feel more secure when they know what is expected. Boundaries actually help children feel safe, even if they protest in the moment. 

What to do instead:
Keep rules simple and age-appropriate. Be clear about them, and follow through calmly. For example, if bedtime is 8:00, try to stick to it even if your child is asking for “just five more minutes.” If screen time ends after one show, hold that limit, even when the next episode auto-plays.

That does not mean you need to be rigid or harsh. It is okay to explain why a rule is in place and to offer choices within limits. “You can read two books before bed, your pick.”

Being consistent does not mean being perfect. It just means your child knows where the fence is. And over time, that consistency builds trust and fewer battles.

4. Comparing Your Child to Others

Whether it is a sibling, a neighbor’s kid, or a classmate, it is surprisingly easy to compare. Maybe your friend’s toddler is already potty trained, or your niece is reading chapter books while your child is still sounding out words. You might even say things without thinking.

• “Why can’t you sit still like your brother?”
• “Look how well your cousin is doing in math.”

The intention might be to motivate, but comparisons rarely do that. Instead, they make children feel like they are falling short or that who they are is not enough.

What to do instead:
Focus on your child’s progress, not someone else’s pace. Every child grows and learns in their own way, on their own timeline. Instead of, “Your sister did this at your age,” try, “I can see how hard you are trying. That is what matters.”

Notice their unique strengths, even if they don’t look like someone else’s. Maybe your child is not athletic, but they are thoughtful or creative or funny. Celebrate those things often and out loud.

Children thrive when they feel seen and accepted for who they are, not who we think they should be.

5. Doing Everything For Your Child

It is only natural to want to help your child. Watching them struggle with something, tying their shoes, packing their bag, or dealing with a tricky friendship, tugs at your heart. Sometimes it is faster and easier to just step in and fix it.

But when we do everything for our children, we unintentionally send the message that they can’t handle things on their own. Over time, this can chip away at their confidence and problem-solving skills.

It can be as small as zipping their coat every morning or as big as stepping in to smooth over every school or social issue. The more we rescue, the less they learn to trust their own abilities.

What to do instead:
Let your child try first. Will it take longer? Probably. Will there be mistakes? Almost certainly. But those mistakes are how children learn.

If your child is struggling, offer help, but do it with them, not for them. You might say, “Do you want me to show you, or do you want to try again?” or “I am here if you need help figuring this out.”

The goal is not for them to get it right immediately; it is for them to grow in confidence, knowing you believe in their ability to figure things out.

Its Okay to Make Mistakes

Parenting is filled with choices, some big, some small, all of them meaningful. And the truth is, we are all going to get some of those choices wrong from time to time. That is okay.

What matters most is not avoiding every mistake. It is recognizing the ones we do make, learning from them, and making gentle adjustments as we go. 

If you see yourself in any of the mistakes above, take heart. You are not alone. Most of us have done them at one point or another. What is powerful is your willingness to pause, pay attention, and parent with intention.

In the end, your love, your effort, and your willingness to keep showing up, that is what matters most. And your child? They are lucky to have you.

Your child comes home with slumped shoulders and teary eyes. They didn’t get picked for the school play, even though they practiced their lines all week. You can see the disappointment all over their face, and your first instinct might be to say something like, “It is okay, maybe next time!” or “Let us go get ice cream!”

We have all been there. Watching our children feel hurt or let down tugs at every string in our hearts. As parents, our natural reaction is often to protect, distract, or cheer them up as fast as possible. But here is the thing: disappointment is a normal, healthy part of growing up, and knowing how to handle it is a skill our children need just as much as reading or riding a bike.

The goal is not to shield them from every letdown. It is to walk with them through it. When we do that, we are not just helping them feel better in the moment; we are teaching them how to cope, reflect, and move forward when life does not go their way.

In this post, we will walk through how to support your child when disappointment shows up, whether it is over a missed goal, a canceled outing, or something much bigger.

Why Disappointment Is Actually Good 

No one likes watching their child feel sad, frustrated, or defeated. Whether it is a lost game, a bad grade, or not being invited to a party, disappointment can feel heavy, both for them and for us.

But here is a gentle truth that can be hard to remember in the moment: disappointment is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it plays an important role in helping our children grow into emotionally strong and capable people. Here is why:

1. It Builds Emotional Strength

Every time a child experiences disappointment and makes it through, even if they cry, pout, or need a hug along the way, they are learning that tough feelings don’t last forever. They see that sadness or frustration can be felt, expressed, and eventually passed through. This helps them develop inner strength, just like muscles grow stronger with use.

Without the chance to face smaller disappointments in childhood, children may struggle to cope with bigger challenges later in life.

2. It Helps Them Learn to Adapt

Life doesn’t always go as planned. That is true whether you are 6 or 60. Facing disappointment teaches children that even when things don’t turn out the way they hoped, they can adjust, try again, or take a different path.

These moments teach flexibility. They show children how to problem-solve, think creatively, and bounce back, skills that will serve them well in friendships, school, and beyond.

3. It Teaches Them About Limits and Effort

Sometimes, children feel disappointed because they didn’t get what they wanted, even after trying hard. That is tough, but it can also be a valuable lesson in how life works.

Disappointment offers a chance to talk about things like effort, fairness, and realistic expectations. It also helps children begin to separate their effort from the outcome, understanding that trying your best is worthwhile, even if you don’t always win or succeed right away.

4. It Builds Empathy

When children know how it feels to be disappointed, they can better understand when someone else is going through the same thing. That shared experience of feeling left out, let down, or frustrated helps them grow into more compassionate friends, siblings, and classmates.

Empathy grows when we let children feel their feelings fully instead of brushing them aside. And that is something worth leaning into, even when it is hard.

How to Help Your Child Through Disappointment (Step-by-Step)

Disappointment can come in all shapes and sizes for children, and in the moment, their reaction might seem bigger than the situation, but remember: it feels big to them.

Here is a simple, step-by-step way to help your child move through those tough moments with your support:

1. Stay Present and Calm

Before you say anything, take a breath. Your calm presence is one of the most powerful tools you have. If your child is falling apart emotionally, they are looking, consciously or not, to see how you are reacting.

If you stay steady, even if they are stormy, it helps them feel safe. You don’t have to say much at first. Just being there is enough.

2. Acknowledge What they are Feeling

Resist the urge to fix it right away or brush it off. Instead, start with a simple acknowledgment:

• “You are really upset about that.”
• “I can tell you were really looking forward to that game.”
• “It is okay to feel disappointed.”

Naming the feeling helps them understand what they are going through and lets them know it is okay to feel that way.

3. Don’t Rush to Cheer Them Up

It is tempting to jump in with distractions or rewards, “Let us get ice cream!” But try not to skip over the feeling too fast. Give them space to feel sad or frustrated. That is part of learning how to handle hard emotions.

You can sit quietly with them, offer a hug, or say something like, “I am here with you. Let us just take a minute.”

4. Help Them Put It into Words

Once the big emotions settle (and only then), gently invite them to talk:

• “What part of it made you most upset?”
• “Were you hoping it would go differently?”
• “What were you looking forward to?”

You don’t need to solve anything; just help them make sense of what they are feeling. This builds emotional awareness and helps them feel heard.

5. Share a Story from Your Own Life

If it feels right, share a simple story about a time you felt disappointed. Keep it short and age-appropriate.

This helps your child feel less alone. It also shows them that disappointment is something everyone goes through and gets through.

6. Talk About What Comes Next (But Only After the Storm Has Passed)

Once they are calm and open, help them think about a next step:

• “Do you want to try again next time?”
• “Is there something we could do differently together?”
• “What might help you feel better right now?”

The goal isn’t to erase the disappointment, but to show them there is always a way forward.

7. Celebrate Their Effort

When they move on or try again, let them know you noticed.

• “I saw how you kept going even though that was hard.”
• “You were really disappointed, and you found a way to keep going.”

Praise their resilience, not just the outcome. That is what builds confidence from the inside out.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Even with the best intentions, it is easy to fall into a few traps when our children are disappointed. Here are a few common mistakes many of us make (no judgment here) and what to try instead:

1. Rushing to Fix It

When your child is upset, it is natural to want to solve the problem right away. You might say:

• “It is okay; I will talk to the coach.”
• “Let me call and set up another sleepover.”
• “We will buy another one.”

Why it doesn’t help:
Quick fixes may stop the tears for now, but they don’t help your child build the ability to handle frustration or disappointment. They learn that someone else will always swoop in and make things right

2. Minimizing Their Feelings

You might find yourself saying things like

• “It is not a big deal.”
• “There are worse problems.”
• “You are being dramatic.”

Why it doesn’t help:
To your child, it is a big deal. Brushing off their feelings tells them that their emotions are not valid or that they should hide them.

3. Trying to Distract Too Quickly

You might want to cheer them up with treats, screens, or a fun activity. It sounds like

• “Let us go get ice cream; you will feel better!”
• “Forget about it; let us play your favorite game.”

Why it doesn’t help:
Distractions can temporarily shift attention, but if used too quickly, they can teach children to avoid uncomfortable feelings instead of learning to sit with them and move through them.

4. Taking It Personally

Sometimes disappointment looks like anger, blame, or big outbursts, and it is easy to feel hurt or annoyed. Your child might say:

• “You ruined it!”
• “It is your fault I didn’t get to go!”

Why it doesn’t help:
Getting defensive or angry back turns the moment into a power struggle, and your child loses the chance to learn how to handle disappointment with support.

It is Okay to Get It Wrong Sometimes

The truth is, parenting through disappointment isn’t easy. Some days you will rush to fix things too quickly. Other days, you might lose your patience. And that is okay.

What matters most is that your child feels safe being real with you, even when their feelings are big and messy.

When you model your own moments of repair (“I got frustrated earlier, and I am sorry”), you are teaching them something powerful: that it is okay to mess up, and it is even more okay to make things right.

Disappointment is one of those hard but necessary parts of growing up.

So next time your child faces a letdown, take a breath. Lean in. Let the moment be what it is. You don’t need perfect words.

What they will remember is that they didn’t have to face it alone. That it is not about never falling but about knowing they can always get back up, with your hand right there to help them.

You are proud of how caring, thoughtful, and tuned-in your child is. But at the same time, you have probably had moments where you have wondered, “Why is everything such a big deal?” or “Why can’t they just brush it off like other children?”

The truth is, sensitivity is not a weakness. It is a temperament trait, something some children are simply born with. In fact, researchers estimate that about 1 in 5 children is considered “highly sensitive.” They tend to feel things deeply, notice things others miss, and take their time processing the world around them. 

Sensitivity often gets a bad name. People sometimes mistake it for weakness or being too soft. You might even hear well-meaning friends or relatives say things like, “He needs to toughen up,” or “She’s too emotional.” It can leave you second-guessing how you parent.

However, sensitivity is not a flaw. Sensitive children notice more, feel more deeply, and are often more empathetic, creative, and thoughtful than we give them credit for. Yes, they may cry at things other children brush off. Yes, they may take longer to adjust to new situations. But none of that means they are fragile or weak. In fact, when guided with care and understanding, sensitive children can grow into emotionally intelligent, self-aware, and resilient adults.

This post is here to help you see and celebrate your child’s sensitivity for what it truly is: a strength. We will walk through some signs that your child may be highly sensitive and share 5 simple, practical ways you can support them as they grow. 

Before we go into the how-to, let us look at what sensitivity might actually look like day to day so you can better understand your child and what they need from you.

5 Signs Your Child is Sensitive 

Raising a sensitive child starts with understanding what sensitivity actually is and what it is not.

Sensitivity is not about being “soft” or “too emotional.” It is not a problem that needs to be fixed. It is a personality trait that shows up in how deeply a child experiences the world around them: emotionally, physically, and socially. Here are some signs to look out for:

1. Big Reactions to Small Changes
   Your child might burst into tears or shut down completely because their favorite cup is not clean or because you switched up the bedtime routine. These changes may seem minor to you, but to a sensitive child, they can feel overwhelming or even unsafe. They thrive on predictability, and when things shift suddenly, it can throw off their entire emotional balance.
2. Easily Overstimulated by Noise, Crowds, or Busy Places
   Taking them to the market or a loud birthday party might end in a meltdown or clinginess. Sensitive children often struggle with loud sounds, strong smells, bright lights, or crowded environments. Their nervous systems pick up on everything, and it can become too much, too fast.
3. Deep Emotional Responses (Even to Other People’s Feelings)
   You might notice your child tearing up during a movie, or getting upset because someone else got in trouble at school. They often feel things deeply; not just their own emotions, but other people’s too. Sometimes they will worry about things long after the moment has passed, or replay conversations in their mind, wondering if they hurt someone without meaning to.
4. Intense Sense of Fairness and Justice
   Sensitive children often notice when something feels unfair, even if it doesn’t directly affect them. They may get upset when rules are broken or when someone is not being treated kindly. Their empathy runs deep, and they want the world to feel “right.”
5. Needs Time to Warm Up in New Situations
   They might seem shy or withdrawn when meeting new people or trying something unfamiliar. It is not that they are unfriendly, they are just cautious. They take in everything first, think it through, and only step forward when they feel emotionally safe. Forcing them to “just go play” can backfire; what they need is a little time and patience to get comfortable.
   
   

Tips for Raising Sensitive Children

1. Create Predictable Routines and Safe Spaces

Sensitive children often feel things more deeply, and sudden changes or surprises can feel overwhelming to them. that is why having a predictable routine can be a real game-changer. When your child knows what to expect during the day, like when mealtime, homework, playtime, and bedtime happen. it helps them feel safe and secure. This sense of stability lowers their stress and gives them space to focus on learning and growing without feeling on edge.

Try to keep daily routines consistent, but also build in some flexibility. For example, you can have a morning routine that includes waking up, brushing teeth, and having breakfast, but maybe the breakfast menu changes so it is not too rigid. If you know there is a special event or change coming up, talk about it ahead of time. That way, your child won’t be caught off guard.

Safe spaces are just as important. This can be a quiet corner in your home where your child can go when they feel overwhelmed; maybe with soft pillows, their favorite books, or calming toys. Encourage them to use this space whenever they need a little break. 

2. Coach, Don’t Dismiss Big Feelings

Sensitive children feel things in a big way. What seems like “no big deal” to you might feel like the end of the world to them. Maybe they cry when they get a minor correction, or they shut down after a disagreement with a friend. In those moments, it can be tempting to say things like, “you are overreacting,” “it is not that serious,” or “calm down.” But for a sensitive child, those words can make them feel misunderstood or even ashamed of how they are feeling.

Instead of brushing those emotions aside, take a coaching approach. That means guiding them through the moment instead of trying to fix or rush it away. Sit with them. Use a calm voice. You could say something like, “I can see that you are really upset. Let us figure out what is going on together.”

Coaching also means helping them learn what to do with those big feelings. For example, if your child is frustrated because they didn’t win a game, you might say, “it is okay to feel disappointed. That shows you really cared. Do you want to talk about it or take a break first?” Over time, this kind of gentle support helps them build emotional strength, they learn that big feelings aren’t scary or wrong, they are just part of being human.

3. Manage Sensory Triggers Proactively

Many sensitive children have finely tuned “internal antennas.” Loud noises, scratchy tags, bright lights, or strong smells can feel overwhelming, almost like an alarm going off inside their bodies. When that sensory overload hits, meltdowns or sudden withdrawal often follow. The good news is that a little planning can prevent most of those overload moments.

• Notice the patterns: Start by paying attention to when your child seems most unsettled. Is it the bustling market place? The fluorescent lights in a classroom? The itchy label in a new shirt? Keep a mental (or written) note of common triggers. Once you know them, you can plan around them.

• Pack a simple “sensory kit”
  Think of it as a calm-down toolbox you can grab on the go. For many families, this kit might include:

• Small noise-reducing headphones for loud places
• A cozy hoodie or soft blanket for chilly, echoing rooms
• Sunglasses or a cap to dim bright lighting
• Chewy or crunchy snacks (crunching can be soothing)
• A favorite fidget toy or squishy ball for busy hands

Toss these items into a small bag and keep it in the car or by the front door so you are ready whenever you head somewhere stimulating.

• Control the environment when you can: At home, use softer lighting, keep background noise low, and choose tag-free or pre-washed clothing. If a family gathering gets noisy, let your child take mini breaks in a quiet bedroom. At school, talk with the teacher about seating your child away from high-traffic areas or near a window for fresh air. Small adjustments like these can make a big difference.

Managing sensory triggers is not about shielding your child from every discomfort forever. It is about giving their sensitive nervous system time to mature while showing them healthy ways to handle intense sensations.

4. Reframe Perfectionism into Growth

You might notice that your child becomes frustrated when they make a small mistake, or they might avoid trying new things altogether unless they are sure they will succeed. This is usually perfectionism in disguise.

While it may seem like a sign of motivation or high standards, perfectionism can weigh heavily on a child’s confidence and self-worth. That is why helping your child shift their thinking from “I have to get it perfect” to “I am learning as I go” is one of the kindest things you can do.

• Notice when perfectionism shows up: It can look different in every child. Some might crumple up their homework if they get one question wrong. Others might take forever to finish a project because they keep starting over. Some children might freeze completely when faced with a new challenge.When you see it happening, gently name what you are noticing without judgment. You might say, “I see you are really frustrated because that didn’t turn out the way you imagined,” or “It seems like you are being really hard on yourself right now.”

• Celebrate the trying, not just the outcome: Make a habit of praising effort, persistence, and progress rather than perfection. Say things like, “I’m proud of you for sticking with it and not giving up.” This helps your child see that growth is more important than getting it right the first time.
• Share your own imperfect moments: Children learn so much by watching how we respond to our own mistakes. Don’t be afraid to say things like, “I forgot something today, and it was frustrating, but I learned to double-check next time,” or “This didn’t go the way I hoped, but I am glad I gave it a try.”
• Set goals that leave room for learning: If your child has high expectations for themselves, help them break goals into smaller steps and celebrate each one along the way. Instead of “I have to get 100%,” shift the goal to “I want to understand this better than I did yesterday.” That little change in language can reduce pressure and increase confidence.

Perfectionism often grows quietly in sensitive children because they care deeply; about doing well, about what others think, and about making things right. But with support and perspective, they can learn that making mistakes isn’t a failure, it is a powerful way to grow. And when they believe that, they will be more willing to try, take risks, and bounce back stronger.

5. Foster Strengths – Empathy and Creativity

Sensitive children feel deeply, think deeply, and see things others might miss. When you support and nurture these strengths, you help them feel more confident in who they are instead of feeling like they have to "toughen up" to fit in.

Sensitive children often pick up on others’ moods and needs quickly. Instead of trying to shield them from these big feelings, help them understand and manage them. Say things like, “You care so much. It is one of the things I love most about you,” or “It is okay to feel sad when someone else is hurting. That is your kind heart showing.” When children feel seen for their empathy, they begin to see it as a strength too.

Also, many sensitive children express themselves through creative outlets: drawing, writing stories, dancing, music, or imaginative play. This is not just fun for them; it is often how they make sense of what they feel and experience.

Pay attention to what lights them up creatively and give them space and encouragement to explore it. You don’t need to spend a lot of money or push them toward “talent.” Just let them enjoy the process. 

As a parent, one of the best things you can do is remind them: “Being sensitive does not mean you are weak. It means you care, you imagine, you notice. And that is something the world needs more of.”

Raising a sensitive child is not always easy. But it is incredibly meaningful. And while that can make parenting feel like walking a tightrope some days, it also opens the door to a deep and beautiful connection between you and your child.

The world may not always understand their big emotions or strong reactions, but your home can be the safe space where they learn that being sensitive is not a flaw; it’s part of their strength. With your support, they can learn to manage overwhelming feelings, find calm in routines, and express themselves in ways that make them feel empowered.

It is okay if you don’t have all the answers. What matters most is that your child knows you are in their corner. And with that kind of love and support, they will thrive.

Yesterday, I was scrolling through my phone when I came across a hilarious video of a man trying to walk across a thin rope while crocodiles snapped at him from below. But what really caught my attention was a comment that read:

"This is exactly what parenting feels like—trying to balance everything while hoping not to drown."

It might sound a bit dramatic, but there are days when parenting feels just like that. You wake up exhausted, rush through the day, and fall into bed wondering if you got anything right. 

It is not just the physical tiredness. It is the mental and emotional load. The endless decision-making, the constant problem-solving, the pressure to be on all the time. And let us be honest, sometimes the little things set you off. A broken plate should not feel like the end of the world, but when you are already running on fumes, it is enough to push you over the edge.

Parenting is not easy, and no one talks enough about how overwhelming it can get. But feeling overwhelmed does not mean you are failing. It just means you need a breather. And the first step to regaining control is recognizing the signs that you are running on empty. 

In this blog post, we will talk about five common signs that you are overwhelmed as a parent and what you can do to lighten the load, regain your balance, and be yourself again.

5 Common Signs You are Overwhelmed

1. Snapping at the Smallest Things

You tell your child one simple thing: "Put your shoes away." Instead of doing it, they drop them in the middle of the floor. And suddenly, you are fuming. Not just mildly annoyed but really angry, as if they just set fire to the house.

Deep down, you know it is not just about the shoes. It is about everything else building up: the dishes piling up in the sink, the deadlines at work, the laundry that never ends, the fact that you can’t even remember the last time you had a full night’s sleep. The shoes are just the final straw.

When you are overwhelmed, your patience shrinks. You might feel guilty afterward, thinking, Why did I get so angry over something so small? But it is not just about that moment, it is about the exhaustion, the stress, and the feeling of carrying too much.

What You Can Do:

• Pause before reacting: When you feel yourself about to snap, take a deep breath. Count to five before responding. Even stepping away for a moment can make a difference.
  
  
• Identify your stress triggers: Are you always more irritable at certain times of the day? Maybe right before dinner when everyone’s hungry? Once you spot patterns, you can plan ahead, maybe have easy snacks on hand or step outside for fresh air before handling a chaotic moment.
  
  
• Give yourself grace: You are not a bad parent for losing your temper. It happens. When you do snap, apologize if needed, but also move forward without guilt. Children learn from how we handle stress, not just from how we avoid it.

2. Feeling Like you are Failing at Everything

You wake up in the morning with a mental list of things you should do: get the children ready, handle work, cook a healthy meal, make time for them, clean the house, maybe even squeeze in some self-care. But by the end of the day, all you see are the things you didn’t do.

Maybe dinner got burnt, or you forgot about an important school assignment. And suddenly, it feels like you are failing, not just in one area, but in everything.

That little voice in your head tells you other parents have it together, that you should be doing more, that you are somehow not enough. The truth? That voice is lying. Parenting is not about perfection. It is about showing up, even when it is messy.

What You Can Do:

• Shift your focus: Instead of ending the day thinking about what you missed, remind yourself of what you did manage. You comforted your child after a bad dream. You made them laugh. You showed up, and that matters more than any unchecked to-do list.
  
  
• Set realistic expectations. You are one person, not a superhero. Some days, the house will be messy. Some days, dinner will be whatever’s easiest. That does not make you a failure; it makes you human.
• Remind yourself that your children don’t need perfection. They don’t need a perfect house, a perfectly balanced meal, or a parent who never struggles. They just need you. Messy, tired, and all.

3. You Have No Time for Yourself

You love your children. You love your family. But some days, it feels like every single minute belongs to someone else. From the moment you wake up to the time everyone is finally asleep, you are too drained to do anything for yourself.

And that is when it sneaks in—the resentment.

It is not that you don’t want to care for your family. You do. But deep down, you also want a moment to do something that is just for you. Maybe you miss reading a book, going out with friends, or just sitting in silence without someone needing you. And then, when you finally get a free moment, you feel guilty for even wanting time alone.

That is the tricky thing about parenting burnout. It convinces you that needing space is selfish. But it is not. It is necessary.

What You Can Do:

• Start small: You don’t need a full weekend getaway (though that would be nice). Even 15-30 minutes of doing something just for you: listening to music, taking a walk, or journaling, can help.
  
  
• Communicate your needs: If you are feeling stretched too thin, let your partner, family, or support system know. Even saying, "I need 30 minutes to myself today," is a step toward balance.
  
• Stop feeling guilty for taking a break: You wouldn’t expect your child to function without rest, so why do you expect it from yourself? Taking time for yourself isn’t neglecting your family. It is making sure you have the energy to keep showing up for them.

4. You are Constantly Exhausted (Even After Sleeping)

You manage to get a full night’s sleep (or at least something close to it), but when morning comes, you still feel bone-tired. It is as if you never actually rested.

It is the kind of exhaustion that lingers. The kind that makes even small tasks feel overwhelming. The kind where you wake up already counting down the hours until bedtime.

Albeit parenting is exhausting, when you feel this tired all the time, it is a sign that you are running on empty.

What You Can Do:

• Check in with yourself: Are you getting enough sleep, or are you up late scrolling, catching up on chores, or simply struggling to switch off? Sometimes, "exhaustion" isn’t just about sleep. It is about carrying too much mentally.
  
  
• Prioritize rest, not just sleep: Rest isn’t just closing your eyes at night. It is letting yourself slow down during the day, taking a break when you need it, asking for help, and not feeling like you have to "earn" rest.
  
  
• Make small adjustments: Sometimes, exhaustion is your body’s way of saying, “Something needs to change.” Maybe that is drinking more water, exercising more, or eating nourishing meals.
  
  

If you feel drained even after sleeping, it is a sign you need more than rest. You need to recharge. And that starts with giving yourself permission to pause, to let go of the pressure to do it all, and to take care of yourself the way you take care of everyone else.

5. You Feel Disconnected from Your children

You are there physically. Helping with homework, making dinner, tucking them in at night. But emotionally? You feel miles away.

You listen to their stories, but your mind is elsewhere, running through to-do lists or worrying about everything that still needs to be done. You sit next to them, but instead of feeling connected, you feel… detached. And then the guilt hits.

"I should be more present."
"Why do I feel so distant from my own child?"
"Am I failing as a parent?"

It is a painful cycle. Feeling overwhelmed makes it harder to connect, and feeling disconnected makes the overwhelm worse.

But here is the truth: feeling disconnected does not mean you love your child any less. It does not mean you are failing. It just means you are stretched thin, and your emotional energy is running low. And like a phone on low battery, you need to recharge before you can fully engage again.

What You Can Do:

• Start with small moments: Instead of forcing long bonding sessions, focus on tiny, meaningful moments, five minutes of undivided attention, a hug, a shared joke. Quality matters more than quantity.
  
  
• Take care of yourself: It is hard to pour into your child’s emotional cup when yours is empty. Give yourself grace. Take yourself out if you need it. Prioritize your well-being.
  
  
• Be honest: If your child senses something is off, it is okay to say, “I’ve been really tired lately, but I love you so much, and I want to spend time with you.” children appreciate honesty more than we realize.

The Good News

Parenting is hard. And some days, it feels like too much. You feel like you are failing. You crave alone time but feel guilty about it. If this sounds familiar, take a deep breath. You are not alone.

Feeling overwhelmed does not make you a bad parent. It means you are a human. One who loves deeply, gives endlessly, and sometimes, needs a break.

The best thing you can do? Be kind to yourself. Ask for help when you need it. Let go of the pressure to do everything perfectly. Your children don’t need a flawless parent. They need you. And even on your hardest days, you are doing better than you think.

Every parent has their own way of raising their child. Some parents are strict, enforcing rules with no room for negotiation. Others take a more relaxed approach, allowing their children to make most of their own decisions. 

Most of the time, the way we parent is shaped by how we were raised, our personal beliefs, and what we think is best for our child. But here is the thing, our parenting style does not just affect how our child behaves today. It plays a big role in shaping their confidence, how they handle emotions, their relationships with others, and even their future success.

Parenting is not a one-size-fits-all journey, and no single approach works for every child. However, understanding different parenting styles can help you reflect on your own methods and make changes where needed.

In this post, we will explore the four major parenting styles and look at their benefits, drawbacks, and what parents should keep in mind when using each approach. 

By the end, you will have a clearer understanding of how your parenting style affects your child and what you can do to create the best possible environment for them to grow and thrive.

The Authoritarian Parenting Style

Imagine a household where the rules are set in stone and there is no room for discussion. A child who questions a rule is met with, “Because I said so.” This is the core of authoritarian parenting: a strict, high-expectation approach where obedience is valued above all else.

Parents with this style believe discipline is the foundation of a child’s success. They set firm rules and expect their child to follow them without questioning or negotiating. Consequences for breaking the rules are often harsh because the focus is on obedience rather than understanding. These parents typically have high expectations for their child’s academic performance, behavior, and overall discipline.

Pros of Authoritarian Parenting

• Creates structure and discipline: Children in authoritarian households grow up knowing what is expected of them. This structure can provide a sense of stability.
  
  
• Encourages responsibility: Because strict rules are in place, children often learn to be responsible for their actions and to meet high expectations.
  
  
• Teaches respect for authority: Children raised in this environment often understand the importance of rules and respecting authority figures.

Cons of Authoritarian Parenting

• Lack of emotional connection: Children may feel distant from their parents because communication is often one-sided, with little space for emotional support or open discussions.
  
  
• Low self-esteem: Since mistakes are often met with punishment rather than guidance, children may grow up feeling like they are never good enough.
  
• Difficulty making decisions: Because authoritarian parents make most decisions for their child, the child may struggle with independent thinking and problem-solving.

Things to Consider

Authoritarian parenting works well for enforcing discipline, but it can come at the cost of emotional closeness. Children raised in overly strict environments may follow rules, but they may also grow up fearing failure or struggling with self-confidence. If you lean toward this parenting style, consider softening the approach by allowing more open discussions and giving your child a chance to express their thoughts. Rather than simply punishing mistakes, try explaining the reason behind the rules. This way, your child learns not just to obey but to understand the importance of their actions.

The Permissive Parenting Style

Picture a home where a child can stay up as late as they want, eat whatever they like, and rarely face consequences for their actions. If they misbehave, their parent might sigh, “Children will be children.” This is permissive parenting: an approach where rules are flexible, discipline is minimal, and the focus is on being a supportive, loving friend rather than an authority figure.

Permissive parents are warm, affectionate, and deeply invested in their child’s happiness. They rarely say no, hoping to avoid conflict or emotional distress. While this creates a nurturing environment where the child feels loved and free to express themselves, it can also lead to a lack of structure and accountability.

Pros of Permissive Parenting

• Strong emotional bond: Children raised by permissive parents often feel deeply loved and supported. They know their parents are there for them, no matter what.
  
  
• Encourages creativity and independence: With fewer restrictions, children are free to explore their interests and express themselves without fear of strict consequences.
  
  
• Less stress in the home: Because there are fewer rules and conflicts, the household may feel more relaxed and harmonious.

Cons of Permissive Parenting

• Lack of boundaries: Children may struggle with self-control and discipline since they are rarely held accountable for their actions.
  
  
• Difficulty respecting authority: Without clear rules at home, children may find it challenging to follow rules in school or later in life.
  
  
• Struggles with responsibility: Since permissive parents often shield their children from consequences, children may struggle with personal responsibility, from completing homework to managing their emotions.

Things to Consider

Being a loving and supportive parent is crucial, but children also need guidance and boundaries. Without them, they may grow up without the discipline and responsibility they need to navigate life. If you lean toward permissive parenting, consider adding more structure. Set gentle but firm rules and follow through with consequences when needed. Your child can still express themselves freely, but they should also learn that actions have consequences. It is possible to be both warm and firm at the same time.

The Neglectful Parenting Style

Imagine a household where a child largely fends for themselves. No one checks their homework, asks how their day went, or enforces bedtime. They are free to do as they please, not because their parents want to empower them but because their parents are largely uninvolved.

Neglectful parenting, also known as uninvolved parenting, is characterized by emotional distance, lack of supervision, and minimal communication. It is not always intentional, some parents struggle with demanding jobs, financial stress, or their own unresolved emotional issues. Others assume their child is independent enough to handle life on their own. While some independence is good, children who lack guidance and emotional support often feel disconnected, unimportant, and directionless.

Pros of Neglectful Parenting

• Encourages self-sufficiency: Some children learn to be highly independent because they have no choice but to rely on themselves.
  
  
• No pressure to meet unrealistic expectations: Without constant oversight, children may feel less pressure to meet high standards.
  

Cons of Neglectful Parenting

• Emotional and behavioral struggles: Children who don’t receive enough attention and care may develop low self-esteem, anxiety, or difficulty forming healthy relationships.
  
  
• Poor academic performance: Without parental involvement, children may struggle to stay motivated in school and complete tasks on their own.
  
  
• Risky behavior: A lack of guidance can lead to poor decision-making, as children may not understand consequences or have anyone to turn to for advice.

Things to Consider

Children need a sense of security and connection. Even if life is busy or overwhelming, small moments of attention, like asking about their day or helping with a problem, can make a huge difference. If you tend to be more hands-off, consider setting aside intentional time for your child. It does not have to be hours every day; even a few meaningful interactions can provide the support they need to feel valued and guided. Balancing independence with involvement is key.

The Authoritative Parenting Style

Now, imagine a home where rules exist, but they are reasonable and well-explained. A child is encouraged to express their thoughts, but they also understand that certain expectations must be met. If they break a rule, there are consequences, but those consequences are fair and consistent. This is authoritative parenting. It is widely considered the most effective and balanced approach.

Authoritative parents combine warmth and structure. They set clear expectations but allow room for discussion. Their children know they are loved, but they also understand that actions have consequences.

Pros of Authoritative Parenting

• Encourages confidence and independence: Children raised with clear rules and open communication learn to think for themselves while respecting boundaries.
  
  
• Fosters emotional intelligence: These children are often better at understanding and managing emotions because they grow up in a home where feelings are acknowledged and discussed.
  
  
• Leads to better academic and social outcomes: Studies show that children raised with authoritative parenting tend to do better in school, have stronger friendships, and make healthier life choices.

Cons of Authoritative Parenting

• Requires patience and consistency: This approach takes time and effort because it involves ongoing communication and understanding.
  
  
• Can be emotionally demanding for parents: Balancing discipline with warmth means parents have to be intentional and engaged, which can sometimes feel exhausting.

Things to Consider

If you strive to be an authoritative parent, consistency is key. Setting rules and enforcing them fairly while also allowing your child to voice their thoughts creates an environment of trust. It is okay to let your child negotiate at times, but they also need to understand that certain rules are non-negotiable. This approach prepares them for the real world, where they will have to balance freedom with responsibility.

What now?

No parenting style is perfect, and there is no such thing as a flawless parent. If you see yourself leaning too much toward one extreme: whether too strict, too lenient, or too uninvolved, there is always room to adjust. Children thrive in homes where they feel both secure and heard, where they understand expectations but also feel loved unconditionally.

At the end of the day, parenting is about growth for both you and your child. The goal is not to control every aspect of their lives but to guide them toward becoming confident, responsible, and emotionally healthy individuals. No matter where you are in your parenting journey, the fact that you are reflecting on your approach means you are already doing something right. Keep learning, keep adjusting, and most importantly, keep showing up for your child. That is what truly makes a difference.

When Tunde was a child, he dreamed of being an artist. He loved sketching superheroes, painting colorful landscapes, and creating comic strips. But his parents had a different vision for him. “Drawing is just a hobby,” they would say. “You need a real career.” 

They encouraged him to focus on science, constantly reminding him that success meant becoming a doctor like his uncle. Eventually, Tunde stopped drawing altogether. He focused on academics, got the grades his parents wanted, and followed the career path they had planned. But something always felt missing. Now, as a father, Tunde finds himself worrying; what if he is doing the same thing to his own children?

Many parents struggle with this. They love their children deeply and want the best for them, but sometimes, that desire turns into pressure. They see their children’s successes and failures as reflections of their own parenting. If their child excels, they feel proud. If their child struggles, they feel like they have failed too.

This is not to judge any parent. After all, most of these expectations come from a place of love. But when children feel constant pressure to meet unrealistic standards, they can become anxious, unmotivated, or even resentful. Others even rebel the moment they gain independence.

So, how do you know if your expectations are lifting your child up or weighing them down? In this post, we will explore the different types of parental expectations, where they come from, and how to set healthier goals that help children grow into confident, capable individuals.

Understanding Different Types of Parenting Expectations

Every parent has expectations for their child; it is natural. But not all expectations affect children the same way. Some motivate and encourage, while others feel like an impossible burden.

Let us take a closer look at the different types of parental expectations and how they can impact a child’s growth and self-esteem.

1. Academic Expectations

From an early age, children hear how important school is. Parents encourage good grades, high test scores, and advanced degrees because they believe education is the key to success. There is nothing wrong with valuing academics, but when the pressure to be top of the class outweighs a child’s ability to learn at their own pace, it can cause stress.

For example, a child who loves reading and writing but struggles with math may start feeling like a failure if their parents expect straight A’s. Instead of focusing on their strengths, they may start dreading school altogether. Some children become anxious test-takers because they feel their self-worth is tied to their grades. Others lose interest in learning once they realize they can never meet the unrealistic standard set for them.

2. Behavioral Expectations

Every parent wants their child to be well-mannered, responsible, and respectful. But when the expectation is to never make mistakes, children can start feeling like they are walking on eggshells.

While it is important to teach respect and responsibility, it is also important to remember that children are still learning. They will make mistakes. They will have bad days. Expecting perfect behavior at all times can make them afraid to express themselves.

3. Social Expectations

Many parents worry about their child’s ability to make friends and interact well with others. Some expect their child to be outgoing, confident, and socially skilled. But not all children are naturally social.

A shy child who prefers small groups or one-on-one conversations may feel uncomfortable when forced to “go say hi” or “make more friends.” A child who enjoys playing alone may feel like something is wrong with them if their parents constantly push them to be more social.

4. Emotional Expectations

Children experience big emotions: happiness, frustration, sadness, excitement. But some parents expect them to always stay in control. They might tell their child, “Stop crying; it is not a big deal” or “You should not be angry over that.” While the intention might be to teach emotional resilience, it can also make children feel like their feelings are wrong.

A child who grows up believing they can’t express their emotions might start hiding them altogether. They might pretend to be okay even when they are struggling because they don’t want to disappoint their parents.

5. Career Expectations

Some parents have a clear vision of what their child’s future should look like. They have a specific career path in mind, expecting their child to follow in their footsteps or choose a “stable” profession.

It is common for parents to push medicine, law, or engineering while dismissing creative or unconventional careers. Some children who love music, sports, or entrepreneurship struggle under the weight of their parents’ expectations because they feel like their dreams are not taken seriously.

Now, let us look at some of the factors that affect parenting expectations.

Factors That Shape Parenting Expectations

Parental expectations don’t come from nowhere. Every parent has hopes and dreams for their child, and those expectations are often shaped by personal experiences, cultural values, and societal pressures. 

Sometimes, without realizing it, parents project their own fears, disappointments, and ambitions onto their children. Understanding why we set certain expectations can help us take a step back and make sure we are not unintentionally placing too much weight on our children’s shoulders.

1. The Influence of Personal Experience

Many parents today had to grow up fast (I can relate to this personally). They didn’t have the luxury of childhood filled with play and exploration. Some had to take on responsibilities at a young age, help support their family, or prove their worth through academic and career achievements.

Because of this, they believe pushing their child hard is an act of love. If they struggled to succeed, they don’t want their child to experience the same hardship, so they push them to be the best. Others, who missed out on opportunities, see their child as a chance to fulfill the dreams they could not pursue.

For example, a parent who wanted to be a doctor but never had the chance may strongly encourage their child to enter medicine, even if the child has no interest in it. A parent who had to work twice as hard for financial stability may expect their child to aim for top-paying jobs, believing that anything less is a failure.

But what happens when the child’s dreams don’t align with the parent’s? They may feel guilty for disappointing their parents or anxious about not meeting expectations. Over time, they may lose sight of their own interests and simply follow the path laid out for them, even if it makes them unhappy.

2. Cultural and Societal Pressure

In many cultures, children’s success is seen as a reflection of their parents. Parents feel responsible for how their children turn out, and society often judges them based on their child’s achievements. If a child does well in school, excels in sports, or gets into a prestigious university, the parents are praised. But if a child struggles, the parents may feel like they have failed.

This pressure can make parents unknowingly push their children beyond their limits. They may compare their child to others, asking, “Why can’t you be like so-and-so?” They may measure success based on societal standards rather than their child’s strengths and interests.

Social media has made this even harder. Parents see carefully curated snapshots of other families’ “perfect” children's academic awards, talents, achievements, and wonder if they are doing enough. The pressure to keep up can lead to unrealistic expectations, turning childhood into a competition rather than a time of growth and discovery.

3. The Fear of an Uncertain Future

The world today is fast-changing and competitive. Many parents worry about whether their child will have a stable and successful future. This fear can lead them to believe that pushing their child harder will prepare them for life’s challenges. They think, if I don’t make them aim high now, they might struggle later.

But while preparing children for the future is important, there is a fine line between equipping them with skills and burdening them with pressure. A child who is constantly pushed may grow up feeling like they are never good enough. Instead of being motivated by their own interests, they may develop anxiety and burnout, never feeling at peace with their achievements.

When Parental Expectations Become Overwhelming

High expectations can be a good thing when they are realistic and encouraging. They help children develop resilience, discipline, and motivation. But when expectations become too high, rigid, or disconnected from the child’s natural strengths and interests, they can cause more harm than good.

1. Anxiety and Fear of Failure

Children who grow up under constant pressure to be “the best” may develop anxiety about failure. They might start believing that mistakes are unacceptable and that their worth is tied to their performance.

For example, a child who is always expected to get perfect grades may feel intense fear whenever they face a difficult subject. Instead of asking for help or seeing challenges as part of learning, they may start feeling ashamed and stressed. Some children even avoid trying new things because they are afraid of failing and disappointing their parents.

Over time, this pressure can lead to burnout, low self-esteem, and a fear of taking risks, things that can affect them well into adulthood.

2. Struggles with Identity and Self-Worth

When children are raised with the expectation that they must be the best; whether in school, sports, or social status, they may start defining themselves only by their achievements. Instead of seeing themselves as unique individuals with different strengths and weaknesses, they may believe they are only valuable when they succeed.

This can create a deep sense of insecurity. A child who does not meet their parent’s expectations may feel like a disappointment, even if they are trying their best. Some children even distance themselves emotionally from their parents, feeling like they are only loved when they achieve something impressive.

A classic example is the teenager who seems to “change” when they go off to university or start making their own choices. In reality, they may just be experiencing freedom for the first time, figuring out who they are beyond their parents’ expectations. Some rebel, making choices their parents disapprove of, while others struggle with indecision, not knowing what they truly want because they have never had the chance to explore their own interests.

3. Loss of Enjoyment and Passion

When expectations turn into pressure, even activities that a child once loved can start feeling like a burden.

For example, a child who enjoys playing the piano for fun may lose interest if their parents expect them to compete and win awards. A child who loves football may start dreading practice if they feel they must be the best. Instead of doing things for joy, children may start seeing activities as obligations.

Over time, this can lead to burnout and resentment. Instead of growing into confident individuals who love learning and exploring, they may simply go through the motions, doing things out of obligation rather than passion.

But this does not mean parents should not have expectations at all. The key is finding balance; setting goals that challenge but don’t overwhelm, encouraging effort over perfection, and allowing children the space to explore their own paths.

Helping Your Child Set Realistic but Challenging Expectations

Setting expectations for children is a delicate balance. On one hand, you don’t want to set the bar so low that they don’t develop resilience or ambition. On the other hand, you don’t want to make expectations so high that they feel overwhelmed or discouraged. 

The goal is to help children set expectations that challenge them to grow while still being achievable based on their abilities and interests. Here is how:

1. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection

Children thrive when they feel their efforts are valued, not just their results. If they believe that only perfect grades or top performances matter, they may start feeling anxious or unmotivated when things get tough. Instead, shift the focus to progress.

For example, if your child struggles with math, instead of expecting them to always get an A, encourage them to aim for steady improvement. Celebrate when they understand a difficult concept or raise their grade from a C to a B. This helps them develop a growth mindset, believing that effort leads to improvement, rather than thinking they must be naturally gifted at something to succeed.

2. Encourage Them to Set Their Own Goals

When children are involved in setting their own goals, they are more motivated to achieve them. Instead of deciding everything for them, guide them in setting realistic but challenging expectations.

For instance, if your child loves football, ask them, What os something you would like to achieve this season? Maybe they want to improve their passing skills or increase their endurance. If they enjoy reading, ask, How many books do you think you can read this month? This allows them to take ownership of their goals while still pushing themselves.

You can also help them break big goals into smaller, manageable steps. If they want to learn to play the piano, instead of focusing on mastering a whole song immediately, encourage them to practice for 20 minutes a day. Achieving small wins builds confidence and keeps them motivated.

3. Keep Expectations Flexible

Life is unpredictable, and sometimes children will struggle with things that seemed easy before. Maybe they were doing well in school but then had a rough term. Maybe they loved a certain activity but have lost interest. Instead of forcing them to meet old expectations, be open to adjusting them.

Ask questions like, Are you still enjoying this? or What is making this challenging for you? If they are struggling in a subject, maybe they need a different learning approach or extra support. If they no longer enjoy an activity, it is okay to explore new interests.

4. Teach Them That Failure Is Part of Growth

Many children fear failure because they see it as the opposite of success. But failure is a natural part of learning and growth. When your child faces setbacks, help them reframe failure as a learning experience rather than a final judgment on their abilities.

If they didn’t make the football team, remind them that they can always try again or explore another sport. If they performed poorly on a test, encourage them to figure out what went wrong and how to improve. Instead of saying, You should have tried harder, try saying, What do you think we can do differently next time?

This approach builds resilience and helps children develop a healthy attitude toward challenges.

Children are not meant to follow a perfectly mapped-out path, and their journey won’t always look the way we imagined. Their interests may shift, they may struggle in areas we expected them to excel, and they may take longer to figure things out than we had hoped. But that does not mean they are failing, or that we are failing as parents. It simply means they are growing in their own way, at their own pace.

Parenting is a journey, and so is childhood. The goal is not to create a perfect child or to shape them into a version of ourselves. It is to walk beside them, support them, and help them become the best version of who they are meant to be. And that, more than any expectation, is what truly matters.