Growing up in many African homes, mental health wasn’t something we talked about. If you were sad, you were told to be grateful. If you were anxious, you were told to pray. And if you ever dared to say, “I feel overwhelmed,” you would hear, “What are you thinking about at this age?”
For many of us, this silence around emotions was the norm. We were raised to be strong, push through, and keep our feelings to ourselves. But times have changed, our children growing up in a world filled with academic pressure, social media, peer comparison, and constant noise.
That is why it is so important for us, as parents, to start talking about mental health with our children. Not because something is “wrong” with them, but because we want them to grow up emotionally healthy, self-aware, and strong on the inside too.
It is not always easy to start the conversation, especially if no one ever had it with us. But it is never too late to learn. And the more we talk, the more we heal, not just them, but ourselves too.
First, let us talk about why these conversations matter.
What Is Mental Health (And Why It Matters for children Too)
When most people hear “mental health,” they think of serious problems like depression or madness. But mental health isn’t just about illness; it is about how we feel, think, handle stress, relate to others, and make choices every day.
For adults, that might mean how we cope with work pressure, family issues, or everyday stress. For children, it is about how they deal with school, friendships, family expectations, and changes in their little worlds. Just because their problems seem small to us doesn’t mean they don’t feel big to them.
When a child is mentally healthy, they are more likely to do well in school, get along with others, try new things, and bounce back when life gets tough.
As parents, understanding that mental health is part of everyday life, not just something to worry about in extreme cases, helps us show up for our children in meaningful ways.
The Stigma Around Mental Health in African Homes
Let us be honest: in many African families, talking about mental health is still seen as strange, shameful, or even unnecessary. Some parents worry that talking about mental health will “spoil” their children or make them soft.
But here is the truth: silence doesn’t protect children. It leaves them confused, alone, and ashamed of their feelings. When we dismiss their emotions or label everything as “nonsense,” they learn to bottle things up. And that can lead to bigger struggles later on, like anxiety, anger issues, low self-esteem, and even depression.
The stigma around mental health is often passed down from generation to generation. Our own parents didn’t talk about emotions, so we learned not to either. But now we know better. Just like we take our children to the doctor when they have a fever, we should care about how they feel inside, not just what’s on the outside.
Here are some common reasons this conversation is avoided in African homes:
- "Children don’t have problems."
There is a common belief that childhood is the easiest part of life. So when a child says they are stressed, anxious, or sad, it can be brushed off as drama or attention-seeking. But the truth is, children do have problems; they are just different from adult ones. - The need to appear strong.
In many homes, emotions like sadness, fear, or worry are seen as weakness. Parents were raised to be strong and silent, to push through hard times without complaining. So, naturally, they pass that mindset to their children. But strength isn’t just about holding things in. It is also about knowing when to ask for help. - "It is a spiritual issue."
Sometimes, mental health struggles are misunderstood as purely spiritual attacks or signs of weak faith. While prayer is important to many families, emotional and mental health also need practical attention. A child who is constantly anxious or withdrawn may need more than just encouragement to "pray it away"; they need support, understanding, and possibly professional help too. - Fear of shame or judgment.
There is a strong fear of what others will say. Many parents don’t want their family to be “talked about” or labeled. Because of this, problems are kept inside the house and often ignored.
These reasons are understandable. They come from generations of people who were simply doing their best with what they had. But now, we know more. And we can do better.
How to Start the Conversation (Even If It Feels Awkward)
Many parents worry they will say the wrong thing, or they are not sure where to begin. But the good news is you don’t have to be perfect. Start small. Maybe during a walk, while driving, or when you are both winding down for the day. Ask simple questions like
- “How was your day today?”
- “What made you happy or upset today?”
- “You have seemed quiet lately. Want to talk about anything?”
The goal isn’t to force a deep conversation right away; it is to open the door so your child knows it is always okay to talk.
Be calm. Don’t judge. Don’t rush to fix everything. Sometimes, your child just needs to know you are listening. If they don’t open up immediately, that is okay. Keep showing up. Keep asking. Over time, they will learn that you are a safe place to land.
And if your child does share something tough, thank them for being honest. That alone takes a lot of courage.
Supporting Your Child’s Mental Health Every Day
You don’t need expert training to support your child’s mental well-being. It is the little things that matter most. Here is what that can look like day to day:
- Create a routine: children feel more secure when they know what to expect.
- Give them your full attention: Even just 10–15 minutes of focused time daily (no phones, no distractions) shows them they matter.
- Name feelings: Help them put words to what they are feeling: “Are you feeling worried? Frustrated? Confused?”
- Let them see your emotions too: Share when you are tired or stressed (in age-appropriate ways). It teaches them that feelings are normal.
- Encourage rest and play: A tired, overwhelmed child is more likely to shut down. Rest and fun help recharge their emotional battery.
Supporting mental health isn’t a one-time thing; it is a lifestyle. It is in how you respond when they mess up, how you celebrate the small wins, and how you remind them, again and again:
“You are loved. You are safe, and I am here for you.”
The Cost of Staying Silent
When we avoid talking about mental health, it doesn’t make the problems go away; it only pushes them deeper.
As they grow older, these unspoken struggles can turn into bigger issues like low confidence, difficulty forming healthy relationships, constant fear of failure, feeling like no one understands them, or looking for escape in risky behavior, addiction, or unhealthy friendships
We may think we’re protecting them by avoiding the topic. But in reality, we’re leaving them to figure it out on their own, and that is a heavy burden for any child to carry.
Together, let us break the silence and raise a generation that isn’t afraid to feel, to speak, and to ask for help when they need it. That is how we build true strength, from the inside out.
