Everywhere we look, there is a new advertisement, a social media post showcasing the latest trends, or even a celebrity endorsing the newest gadget. This can make it difficult for children to distinguish between what they truly need and what they simply want because it is being marketed to them at every turn. While there is nothing wrong with enjoying material things, it is important to teach our children that happiness and success are not found in possessions alone.

The question is: how do we raise children who are not fixated on acquiring more things but instead appreciate what they have, focus on experiences, and prioritize relationships and personal growth? This post will explore four practical ways you can avoid raising a materialistic child, helping them develop a healthy relationship with money and things.

Teach the Value of Experiences Over Material Possessions

In a world where material items are often celebrated, it is essential to teach your child that the most valuable things in life are not necessarily things at all. Experiences like spending time with family, traveling, or even enjoying a afternoon at the park with friends are what truly create lasting memories. Help your child understand that experiences enrich their lives in ways possessions cannot.

Start by showing your child the joys of shared experiences. Plan family outings or activities that focus on spending quality time together rather than buying something. A trip to the zoo, cooking a meal together, or attending a concert or sporting event can be far more meaningful than receiving a new toy or gadget. 

Encourage your child to embrace activities that don’t require spending so much money like arts and crafts, or reading books. These activities help children build their creativity and connect with others, showing them that enjoyment and fulfillment don’t have to come from the latest must-have items. 

Additionally, talk about the value of learning, growing, and discovering new things. If your child expresses an interest in something, like learning to play a musical instrument or trying a new sport, encourage them to pursue that interest rather than buying more “stuff.” 

Model Gratitude and Contentment in Daily Life

As with most lessons, the best way to teach your child to appreciate what they have is to model these behaviors yourself. For example, after a family meal, make it a habit to go around the table and share one thing you are grateful for. This simple act can foster a sense of appreciation in your child for the things they might take for granted. When your child hears you regularly express gratitude, they will internalize that as an important value in your home.

Modeling contentment goes beyond just saying "no" to new things. It is about showing your child that you find joy and fulfillment in what you already have.

Finally, when your child expresses dissatisfaction with what they have: whether it is their toys, clothes, or gadgets; use it as a teaching moment. Gently remind them of the things they already enjoy and help them focus on the things that truly matter. For instance, “I know you really like that new game, but remember how much fun you had last weekend when we spent the day at the beach?” This helps shift the focus away from what they don’t have and reinforces the idea that contentment comes from appreciating what is right in front of them.

Set Clear Financial Boundaries and Expectations

Establish clear expectations around allowances and spending. If your child receives an allowance or has money from chores, work with them to create a system for budgeting. You could use the 50/30/20 budgeting rule; where 50% goes to needs, 30% to wants and 20% to savings.

Discuss money openly. Talk about the difference between needs and wants, and help your child understand that money must be carefully managed to ensure there is enough for essentials like food, housing, and education. For example, explain that while a new toy may be fun, it might not be necessary if there are other important things to budget for.

Be transparent about your own financial decisions. If you have had to save for a new house or delay buying something you wanted, share that experience with your child. This teaches the importance of sacrificing short-term desires for long-term rewards.

Also encourage your child to ask questions before making purchases. This allows them to evaluate if the item is something they truly need or if it is just a fleeting desire.

Encourage Giving and Generosity

Teaching your child the value of giving and generosity is an effective way to shift their focus from accumulating material possessions to contributing to the greater good. Start by involving your child in acts of kindness and giving. This can be as simple as donating toys they no longer use to a local charity or helping a neighbor with groceries. 

Encourage your child to give not only material items but also their time. Volunteering for a cause, whether it is at a church activity, community event, or helping around at a friend’s party, shows them that generosity is not just about what you give but how you invest in the well-being of others. When your child volunteers, they not only learn about compassion but also gain an appreciation for what they have, realizing that not everyone is as fortunate.

Teach your child to make giving a habit. For example, when they receive money as a gift for a birthday or holiday, suggest that they allocate a portion of it for charity. This does not have to be a large sum; just a small percentage is enough to show that giving is an important part of their financial mindset. It also instills the understanding that wealth is not just about personal gain but about supporting others and making a positive impact.

When your child learns the joy of giving, they are less likely to be fixated on accumulating things for themselves. They will understand that true happiness comes not from owning more but from sharing and helping others. 

Raising a Child Who Values What Really Matters

In this social media age, where material possessions often take center stage, it can be challenging to raise a child who understands the true value of life beyond things. But hopefully with this few tips, you can help your child develop a healthier, more balanced perspective. 

Remember, your child learns by observing you. So consistency is key. When you actively practice these values at home, you help your child internalize them. Ultimately, the goal is to raise a child who is thoughtful about their choices, appreciative of what they have, and generous toward others. These values will serve them well, helping them navigate life with a strong sense of purpose and fulfillment, free from the pressure to constantly acquire more.

As a parent, you want your child to be a confident thinker who can face challenges head-on and find solutions without needing your help always. Critical thinking and problem-solving skills are essential skills that will help your child to analyze situations, think creatively, and make informed decisions.

But how can you help your child develop these abilities? The good news is that you can nurture problem-solving skills right at home by introducing fun activities that stimulate their brains and encourage them to think critically. In this post, we will share five simple, enjoyable activities that can help your child strengthen their problem-solving skills, all while having a blast with you.

1. Puzzles and Brain Teasers

One of the simplest and most effective ways to develop problem-solving skills is through puzzles and brain teasers. These activities encourage children to think logically, pay attention to details, and push their minds to think outside the box. Best of all, they are enjoyable and can be done anywhere: at home, in school, or even during downtime at the park.

There are many types of puzzles and brain teasers to choose from, depending on your child’s age and interests. For younger children, you can start with simple puzzles that involve matching shapes or sorting colors. As they grow older, introduce more complex puzzles like Sudoku, crosswords, or logic games that require them to think through multiple steps to solve.

Examples of fun and easy-to-access puzzles:

• Jigsaw puzzles: These are great for younger children as they help with pattern recognition and hand-eye coordination. You can increase the difficulty as your child improves.
• Sudoku or Number Puzzles: As your child gets older, puzzles like Sudoku, where they need to fill in the numbers based on logic, can boost critical thinking.
• Riddles: Simple riddles are fun for children and encourage them to think creatively. Try riddles like “What has keys but can’t open locks?” (A piano).

When you work on puzzles together, make it a collaborative effort. Take turns suggesting solutions or trying different approaches. This not only helps your child learn to think critically but also encourages teamwork and open communication. Plus, solving puzzles together can be a great bonding experience!

Lastly, it is important to teach your child that making mistakes while solving puzzles is okay. Let them know that sometimes they will need to try different solutions before finding the right one.

2. Building with Blocks or Legos

Building with blocks or legos encourages children to plan, make decisions, and learn from mistakes. For example, if a tower keeps falling down, they will have to figure out what changes are needed to make it more stable. This hands-on trial-and-error process is a key part of learning how to solve problems independently.

How to make it fun and educational:

• Set challenges: Instead of just free-building, try setting specific challenges for your child, like “Can you build a bridge that holds up a toy car?” or “How high can you stack the blocks before it falls?” These challenges make the activity more engaging and encourage your child to think critically about how to make their designs work.
• Encourage creative solutions: If your child is struggling with a project, instead of giving them the answer right away, encourage them to think of different ways they might solve the problem. Ask questions like, “What could you do to make it stronger?” or “What happens if you try building it differently?”
• Celebrate their creations: Praise your child for the effort they put into building, even if the final product is not perfect. Highlighting their creativity and perseverance helps boost their confidence and teaches them that the process of solving problems is just as important as the result.

3. Role-Playing and Scenario Games

Role-playing and scenario games are fantastic tools for encouraging children to use their imagination. These types of activities allow children to step into different roles and perspectives, helping them develop empathy while also learning to navigate challenges.

Role-playing helps children think through problems and work toward solutions in a safe, creative environment.

How to get started:

• Use everyday situations: Set up simple scenarios based on real-life challenges your child might face, such as “What would you do if you lost your homework?” or “How would you handle a disagreement with a sibling?” Encourage your child to think about the best ways to solve these problems and talk through their reasoning.
• Create fun, imaginative scenarios: Take it a step further by pretending to be characters in different situations. For example, pretend you are running a restaurant and have to solve problems with customers. These games help your child develop their problem-solving skills by presenting them with fun, creative challenges.
• Encourage decision-making: Give your child choices during the role-play. Ask things like, “What would you do next?” or “How would you solve that problem?” Let them take charge of making decisions and give them the opportunity to explain their thought process.

Role-playing also gives children the chance to practice social skills like communication, teamwork, and conflict resolution. They can experiment with different ways to approach problems, which helps them feel more confident when faced with similar situations in real life.

4. Cooking and Baking Together

When you cook or bake with your child, they learn how to measure ingredients, adjust recipes, and work through the process step by step. These tasks require a combination of planning, decision-making, and problem-solving, especially when things don’t go as expected (like a cake that doesn’t rise or a food that gets too salty). As you work together, your child is developing important problem-solving skills they can apply in many areas of life.

How to make cooking and baking educational:

• Follow a recipe together: Begin with simple recipes that require your child to follow steps carefully. Show them how to read the ingredients and instructions, and talk through why each step is important. Also, encourage them to ask questions. For example, “Why do you think we need to measure the flour precisely?” or “What could happen if we skip this step?”
• Adjust recipes: When you are making something, try modifying the recipe together. Maybe you are missing an ingredient, or your child wants to try something different, like adding extra fruit to a fruit cake mix. This encourages them to think critically about how the changes can affect the final result.
• Discuss challenges: If something goes wrong (like the bread dough doesn’t rise), use it as a teaching moment. Instead of getting frustrated, ask your child what they think might have happened, and talk through possible solutions. 

5. Science Experiments at Home

When children are given the chance to conduct experiments at home, they learn how to ask questions, test ideas, and think critically about the results. Plus, many experiments involve trial and error, which is a natural part of learning how to solve problems effectively.

How to get started:

• Choose simple experiments: Start with easy, safe experiments that use common household items. For example, you can make a volcano erupt with baking soda and vinegar, or create a rainbow with a glass of water and a flashlight. 
• Let your child ask questions: Before starting an experiment, ask your child what they think will happen. Encourage them to make predictions and discuss why they think the experiment will turn out the way they expect. This promotes thinking ahead and analyzing the situation, which are key parts of problem-solving.
• Encourage observation and analysis: As the experiment unfolds, ask your child to observe and describe what they see. If the results don’t match their predictions, help them think through what went wrong. For example, “Why do you think that happened?”
• Promote problem-solving: If the experiment does not go as planned, instead of solving the problem for them, ask guiding questions like, “What do you think we could try differently?” or “What could we change to make it work better?” This allows your child to practice their problem-solving skills in real-time.
• Make it a regular activity: Keep doing experiments regularly to give your child more opportunities to develop their problem-solving skills. It is important to make it a routine part of your learning at home (like every 2nd Saturday of the month) so that your child becomes comfortable with experimenting, failing, and trying again.

These activities provide opportunities for your child to practice the skills they need to approach challenges with a clear and thoughtful mindset. And as they learn, they will develop a strong foundation that will help them in school, in friendships, and in everyday life.

As you continue to introduce fun and engaging activities, be patient and give your child the space to experiment and figure things out on their own. Over time, you will see them become more confident and capable in solving problems, and most importantly, they will learn that challenges are not something to fear but an opportunity to grow and learn.

As parents, it is easy to label our child as “lazy” when they delay starting or completing a task. But before jumping to conclusions, it is important to understand that procrastination is not always about laziness. In this blog post, we will explore some common reasons why children procrastinate and share practical tips to help them overcome it. First, let us start with the big question: “why?”

Understanding Why Children Procrastinate

Understanding why your child procrastinates is the first step to helping them overcome it. Here are a few reasons:

1. Fear of Failure

One of the main reasons children procrastinate is the fear of not meeting expectations. It could be a difficult assignment or a chore they don’t think they can do well, this fear can lead them to delay starting it altogether. This avoidance might seem frustrating to us, but it is a coping mechanism to temporarily reduce stress.

To help your child in these moments, try reassuring them that mistakes and challenges are part of learning. Remind them that most people don’t get things right the first time and try not to shout or judge them when they make a mistake. This simple shift in perspective can reduce the fear that fuels procrastination.

2. Feeling Overwhelmed

Tasks that seem large or complicated can be intimidating for children, especially if they don’t know where to start. A research project can feel overwhelming to a child who has not yet developed the skills to break it down into manageable pieces. When faced with something that seems too big, it is easier for a child to avoid it altogether rather than face the daunting task head-on.

Parents can support their child by helping them break large tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. For instance, if your child has a book report due, work with them to create a step-by-step plan: 

• Choose the book 
• Read a chapter a day,
• Outline the main ideas
• Draft the report, and 
• Revise it. 

Each completed step can give a sense of progress and reduce feelings of being overwhelmed.

3. Lack of Interest

Sometimes, procrastination is simply the result of a lack of interest. Tasks that seem boring or unrelated to what a child finds fun or engaging are more likely to be pushed aside. It is normal for children to prioritize things they enjoy over those they don’t, but this can create problems when important tasks are ignored.

To address this, try making the task more engaging. If your child needs to study for a spelling test, turn it into a fun game or challenge with rewards for effort. Showing them how what they are learning now connects to real-life situations or  can also spark interest. For example, explain that learning math will help them manage money when they are older, or that practicing reading makes storytelling more fun.

Practical Tips for Dealing with Procrastination

1. Creating a Structured Routine

Children thrive when they know what to expect, as predictability provides them with a sense of security. When a routine is well-planned, it becomes easier for them to approach tasks without feeling overwhelmed or unsure of what to do next. Here is how to get started:

• Be consistent

Begin by setting a consistent time each day for homework, chores, and other responsibilities. This does not mean every moment of your child’s day should be scheduled, but having dedicated periods for specific activities can help reduce the tendency to delay. For example, set a “study hour” right after a snack or playtime, ensuring your child has a break before diving into work. The predictability of this routine helps create a habit, and over time, the routine becomes part of their natural flow.

• Involve Your Child in the Planning

Letting your child have a say in their routine makes them feel more invested in it. Sit down with them and ask what time of day they feel most comfortable doing their homework. Maybe they prefer doing it right after school to get it out of the way, or perhaps they need some downtime first. By including their input, they are more likely to stick to the routine.

2. Teach Prioritization Techniques

When children understand which tasks need their immediate attention and which ones can wait, they are better equipped to manage their time and workload without feeling overwhelmed. Here is how to get started:

• Use the “Important vs. Urgent” Matrix

A helpful tool for teaching prioritization is the “Important vs. Urgent” matrix. Draw a simple chart with four quadrants: urgent and important, important but not urgent, urgent but not important, and neither urgent nor important. Together, go through examples of their tasks and decide which quadrant they fall into. Homework due the next day might be urgent and important, while a long-term project is important but not urgent. This exercise helps them visually understand how to arrange their tasks and focus on what matters most.

• Create To-Do Lists with Priorities

Work with your child to create a daily to-do list, but go a step further by having them mark each task with a priority level (such as “high,” “medium,” or “low”). Teach them to start with the high-priority items and work their way down. For younger children, you can use stickers or colored markers to make it more engaging. This simple practice helps them feel more in control of their day and prevents them from procrastinating on the most critical tasks.

• Balance Priorities with Flexibility

While prioritization is key, it is equally important to teach your child that it is okay if things don’t always go according to plan. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes, priorities may need to shift. Encourage them to reevaluate their list when necessary and adapt, reminding them that flexibility is part of effective prioritization.

3. Create an Environment Conducive for Focus

Even with the best intentions, it can be difficult for children to focus in an environment filled with distractions. As a parent, you can set up a space that supports concentration and reduces the urge to procrastinate:

• Choose a Dedicated Workspace

Help your child find or create a dedicated workspace that is used solely for studying or completing tasks. This could be a desk in their room, a corner of the dining table, or even a section of the living room. The key is to make this space as free from distractions as possible. A designated space helps create a mental association with focus and productivity, making it easier for them to switch into “work mode” when they are there.

• Minimize Distractions

Take a look at the workspace and identify potential distractions. This could include noise from a TV, a smartphone buzzing with notifications, or clutter on the desk. Work together with your child to create rules for their study time, such as putting devices on “Do Not Disturb” mode or keeping toys and unrelated items out of sight. If noise is an issue, consider noise-cancelling headphones or a playlist of soft background music that helps them concentrate.

• Keep Supplies Handy

One reason children might procrastinate is having to constantly get up to find supplies like pens, paper, or a calculator. To counter this, ensure their workspace is stocked with everything they might need for homework or projects. This reduces interruptions and keeps their momentum going.

4. Encourage Breaks

When children work for long periods without breaks, their concentration levels start to wane, and their productivity drops. This is where the idea of taking strategic breaks comes into play. Here is how to do it right:

• The Pomodoro Technique

A simple approach to help your child is to introduce them to techniques like the “Pomodoro Technique,” which involves working for 25 minutes and then taking a 5-minute break. This cycle helps reset their brain, improving focus and reducing feelings of fatigue.

• Encourage Meaningful Breaks

Not all breaks lead to productivity. Scrolling through social media or watching TV during a break can sometimes make it harder for kids to get back to their work. Instead, guide your child to use their breaks for activities that truly refresh their mind. These could include taking a short walk outside, stretching, drinking water, or chatting briefly with a family member. The key is to encourage activities that don’t overstimulate but instead help them feel recharged.

• Promote Physical Activity and Healthy Eating

Physical activity is not just good for physical health, it boosts mood, energy levels, and cognitive function. Encourage your child to participate in sports, dance, or even simple activities like cycling around the neighborhood. Similarly, a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains provides the nutrients needed for sustained energy and concentration. Explain to your child that what they eat can affect how they think and feel throughout the day.

5. Build their Confidence

A significant barrier to overcoming procrastination is the fear of failure. When children feel unsure about their abilities, they may delay starting tasks to avoid the discomfort that comes with self-doubt. Here are some ways to build their confidence:

• Normalize Mistakes as Part of Learning

Children need to understand that making mistakes is not only okay but also a vital part of learning. Share stories of times you made mistakes and what you learned from them. Whether it was a small error at work or forgetting to plan for an event, these real-life examples help children see that everyone experiences setbacks, and what matters most is how they respond. This can ease their fear and encourage them to start tasks without the anxiety of needing to be perfect.

• Celebrate Small Wins

Confidence is not built in a day. It is a gradual process, and celebrating your child’s small achievements can have a big impact. If they finish an assignment on time or manage their schedule well for a week, acknowledge their efforts with praises. This helps them associate effort and consistency with positive results, motivating them to keep going even when tasks are challenging.

• Encourage a Growth Mindset

Teach your child the concept of a growth mindset—the belief that skills and intelligence can be developed with time and effort. Use phrases like “You are improving!” or “I can see how hard you worked on this!” to shift the focus from outcomes to progress. When children understand that their abilities can grow, they are more likely to start tasks with confidence and resilience, even if success is not immediate.

• Help Them Reframe Failures

When things don’t go as planned, guide your child to see failure as a stepping stone rather than an endpoint. Instead of saying, “You didn’t pass that test,” frame it as, “This shows us where we can put more focus next time.” This approach helps them move away from self-criticism and toward constructive action. 

• Encourage Self-Reflection

After your child completes a task, whether it goes well or not, take a moment to reflect together. Ask them what they felt proud of, what they found difficult, and how they might approach it differently next time. This process empowers them to assess their experiences without judgment and learn from them, reinforcing the idea that starting and finishing tasks is worth it, regardless of the outcome.

Your role as a parent is not to eliminate challenges for your child but to guide them in learning how to manage those challenges on their own. When they stumble, encourage them to try again, helping them see that their efforts are valued and that every step, whether big or small, is worth celebrating.

In the end, these strategies don’t just help your child complete their homework on time or meet deadlines, they teach them vital life skills. That is how they build not just success, but confidence, resilience, and a proactive approach to life’s challenges.

Last Saturday morning I was coming from the supermarket when I spotted a young child who rushed to help an elderly lady carry her groceries. Now imagine that person is you. This small act of kindness not only brings a smile to your face but also fills the child with a sense of accomplishment and joy. Moments like these illustrate the beauty of generosity and the profound impact it can have on both the giver and the receiver.

Generosity goes beyond simply donating money; it encompasses sharing time, talents, and love with others. As parents, we have the unique opportunity to instill these values in our children early. In this post, we will explore practical strategies for raising generous children so they can learn the joy of giving.

Understanding Generosity

Before we can teach our children to be generous, it is essential to first understand what generosity truly means. Generosity is the act of giving freely without expecting anything in return. It can manifest in various ways like donating money, sharing toys, volunteering time, or simply offering a helping hand to someone in need. 

Encourage your child to think beyond material possessions. For example, they might choose to spend time reading to younger siblings or helping a friend with homework. Each of these actions is a form of generosity that builds a sense of community and connection.

Benefits of Being Generous
Understanding the benefits of generosity can motivate your child to embrace this value. Generosity has several positive outcomes, including:

1. Emotional Well-Being: Engaging in acts of kindness can boost your child's mood and overall happiness. Studies have shown that helping others releases feel good hormones, which can improve mental health.

2. Empathy Development: When children give back, they gain a deeper understanding of others' struggles and challenges. This fosters empathy and helps them relate to people from different walks of life.

3. Strengthening Community Ties: Generosity helps create a stronger community by building connections and fostering a spirit of cooperation. When children participate in community service or acts of kindness, they learn the importance of being part of something larger than themselves.

4. Creating Lasting Values: Instilling generosity in children at an early age helps them develop values that they carry into adulthood. Generous individuals often lead more fulfilling lives, finding joy in contributing to the wellbeing of others.

Starting with Early Acts of Kindness

Instilling a spirit of generosity in children can begin with simple, everyday acts of kindness. These small gestures not only make a positive impact on others but also teach children the value of helping out and being considerate.

As parents, one of the most effective ways to encourage kindness is to model it in our own lives. Children learn by observing, so make it a point to show acts of kindness in front of them. This could be as simple as helping a neighbor carry groceries, donating items to charity, or even holding the door open for someone. When children see their parents engaging in these behaviors, they are more likely to imitate them. How to get started:

Encouraging Kindness at Home
Begin by fostering a culture of kindness within your home. Here are a few practical ways to start:

1. Gratitude Practice: Each evening, gather as a family and share one thing you appreciated that day. This practice not only helps children recognize kindness from others but also encourages them to think about how they can spread kindness in return.

2. Thank You Notes: Encourage your child to write thank you notes to people who have made a difference in their lives, whether it is a teacher, a friend, or a family member. This helps them appreciate the importance of expressing gratitude and acknowledging others' kindness.

3. Random Acts of Kindness: Challenge your family to perform at least one random act of kindness each week. It could be complimenting a friend, helping someone with a chore, or even surprising a neighbor with a homemade treat. Discuss these acts as a family to reinforce the idea of kindness and its impact.

Recognizing Kindness in Others
Help your child recognize and appreciate kindness in others as well. If they see someone do a good deed, discuss it with them. Ask questions like, “How do you think that made the other person feel?” This encourages empathy and reinforces the value of kindness.

By starting with these early acts of kindness, you lay the foundation for your child to grow into a generous individual who understands the joy of giving to others.

Teaching Financial Literacy Through Giving

Teaching them how to manage their money wisely will empower them to give back meaningfully while also understanding the value of their resources. Here’s how to get started:

Creating a Giving Budget
Start by discussing the concept of a giving budget. This is a portion of their allowance, earnings from chores, or money they receive for special occasions that they can allocate for charitable purposes. Here is how to approach it:

1. Set a Giving Goal: Encourage your child to think about causes they care about. It could be helping animals, supporting children in need, or environmental conservation. Discuss how much they want to contribute and set a realistic giving goal based on their income.

2. Allocate Funds: Help your child create a simple budget that includes their income and expenses. Show them how to allocate a percentage for savings, spending, and giving. For example, if they earn ₦500 from chores, suggest they save ₦200, spend ₦200, and give ₦100. This exercise helps them see the importance of giving as part of their financial planning.

3. Explore Different Giving Options: Teach your child about various ways to give back. This can include donating money, but also volunteering their time or resources. Discuss how they can contribute to causes they care about in different ways, such as fundraising or collecting items for donation.

Encouraging Smart Giving
As your child learns about financial management, encourage them to think critically about their giving. This can include researching organizations or causes they wish to support. Teach them to ask questions like:

• What impact does this organization have?
• How do they use the donations they receive?
• Are they transparent about their finances?

By guiding them to consider these aspects, you are helping them become more informed and responsible donors.

Involving Them in Family Giving Decisions
Make family giving decisions a collective effort. When your family chooses a charity or cause to support, involve your child in the discussion. Ask for their input on where they think the family should contribute. This not only empowers them but also teaches them that giving is a family value.

Recognizing and Celebrating Kindness

Celebrating acts of kindness is essential in reinforcing the behavior you want to see in your child. By recognizing their efforts and the efforts of others, you help create a positive feedback loop that encourages a generous spirit. Here’s how to get started:

Acknowledging Kind Acts
Take the time to notice and acknowledge kind acts your child performs. When they share their toys, help a sibling, or show kindness to a friend, make it a point to celebrate those moments. You can do this by:

1. Verbal Praise: Simply expressing your appreciation with phrases like, “I noticed how you helped your friend today, that was really kind of you!” can go a long way in reinforcing positive behavior.

2. Family Kindness Wall: Create a kindness wall at home where you can post notes or drawings that highlight acts of kindness from each family member. This visual reminder will encourage everyone to continue being kind and show them how their actions contribute to the family’s values.

3. Celebrate Together: Consider organizing a small family celebration to recognize kindness at the end of each month. This could be a special dinner where everyone shares their proudest moments of kindness during the month. it is a fun way to reinforce the importance of giving back and showing appreciation for each other.

Encouraging Reflection on Kindness
After engaging in a kind act or participating in community service, encourage your child to reflect on their experience. Ask questions like:

• How did it feel to help others?
• What did you learn from the experience?
• Would you like to do something similar in the future?

These conversations not only help them process their feelings but also encourage them to think about the impact of their actions, reinforcing the importance of kindness.

Creating Opportunities for Recognition
Finally, look for opportunities to recognize kindness in the wider community. If your child notices someone doing a good deed, encourage them to express appreciation. This could be as simple as writing a thank you note or verbally acknowledging the kindness they see in others.

Connecting Generosity to Personal Values

To cultivate a genuine spirit of generosity in your child, it is essential to connect their giving to their personal values. Helping them understand why they give and how it aligns with their beliefs will create a deeper sense of purpose and commitment to their charitable efforts.

Understanding Personal Values
Start by discussing what values are and why they matter. Values are the principles that guide our decisions and actions, such as kindness, empathy, responsibility, and respect. Engage your child in a conversation about what matters most to them. Ask questions like:

• What qualities do you admire in others?
• What issues or causes do you feel strongly about?
• How do you want to make a difference in the world?

These discussions can help your child identify their core values. For example, if they express a desire to help animals, it could indicate that compassion is an important value to them.

Linking Values to Giving
Once your child identifies their values, encourage them to link these values to acts of generosity. For instance, if they value community, discuss ways they can give back locally, like volunteering at a community center or organizing a neighborhood cleanup. If they value education, they might consider tutoring younger children or donating school supplies to those in need.

You can also encourage them to create a personal mission statement that reflects their values. This can be as simple as writing down their top three values and a few sentences about how they plan to express those values through their actions. For example, “I value kindness, so I will help my friends when they are in need.”

Encouraging Self Reflection
Regularly encourage your child to reflect on their experiences with giving. After participating in a charitable activity, ask them how it made them feel and how it relates to their values. Questions like, “What did you learn about yourself from this experience?” or “How does this connect to what you believe in?” can foster deeper insights.

As you guide your child on this journey, remember that generosity is a lifelong skill that grows with practice and reflection. It is essential to create opportunities for your child to engage in meaningful acts of giving, helping them cultivate empathy and a sense of responsibility toward others. Through your encouragement and example, your child can learn that generosity not only benefits those in need but also enriches their own life, creating a ripple effect of kindness in the world around them.

Seun went with her mom to a friend’s house, and while she was playing, a plate of food was placed in front of her. She felt the urge to dig in right away, but then she remembered what happened the last time—her mom had disciplined her for not asking permission first. So this time, she went straight to her mom to ask if she could eat.

If you grew up in an African household, this scenario probably sounds familiar. Many of us have experienced it firsthand!

But here is the question: why do we only teach our children to ask for permission in certain situations? Why not encourage them to ask questions more broadly? In fact, instead of asking questions to be encouraged, it is frowned upon. “What do you know?” We tell our children.

But questions are at the core of good decision-making. When children learn to question their choices, they are practicing critical thinking—a skill they will need for the rest of their lives. In this guide, we will explore how parents can encourage their children to think critically by teaching them the art of asking questions before making decisions.

Why Questions Are Key to Good Decision-Making

When it comes to making decisions, questions help us dig deeper. They break down the decision into smaller pieces and allow us to consider it from different angles. For children, who are still learning how to process the complexity of choices, asking questions is like using a flashlight in a dark room—it reveals options, uncovers hidden details, and points out potential outcomes.

So why exactly are questions so effective in teaching children how to make good choices? Let us break it down into a few key points.

1. Questions Help Children Explore Consequences
   Every decision has a set of possible outcomes. When children learn to ask questions like “What could happen if I choose this?” they start to think ahead. This helps them see not just the immediate effects but also any potential long-term results. 

For example, if your child is deciding whether to spend their allowance all at once, a question like, “How will I feel if I don’t have any money left next week?” prompts them to consider if they will regret the choice later on. This skill is crucial as they grow older, especially in more complex situations like handling friendships, managing schoolwork, or navigating social media.

1. Questions Help Children Clarify Their Values
   Often, decisions reflect what is most important to us. By asking questions, children can dig into what really matters to them and understand how their values impact their choices. 

Let us say your child is torn between joining a sports team or a music club. Asking questions like “Which activity do I enjoy more?” or “What will I learn from each?” helps them explore which choice aligns best with their interests and goals. This process builds self-awareness and helps them make decisions that feel right to them, even if others might choose differently.

1. Questions Keep Assumptions in Check
   Many choices are guided by assumptions we make without even realizing it. When children learn to ask questions about these assumptions, they can make better-informed decisions. 

Imagine your child assumes they are not good at art just because they had a tough time in one class. A question like “Why do I think this?” or “what is another way to see this?” can open up new perspectives and possibilities. Asking these types of questions helps children avoid limiting beliefs and shows them how to approach situations with an open mind.

Teaching Children to Ask Effective Questions

Teaching children how to ask effective questions can feel a bit like teaching them to speak a new language, but it’s a language they will use for life. Asking effective questions isn’t just about coming up with something to ask; it’s about knowing which questions get the best answers for clear and confident decision-making. Here is how to get started.

1. Start with Simple “What” and “Why” Questions
   Children are naturally curious, but they may not know how to channel that curiosity into useful questions. Begin with “What” and “Why” questions. For example, if your child is deciding whether to go to a friend’s house instead of finishing homework, you can prompt with questions like:
• “What will happen if I go to my friend’s house and leave my homework until later?”
• “Why do I feel like going to my friend’s is more important right now?”

Questions like these help them start to think about consequences and motivations behind their choices. They also open up a space for you to guide them without giving direct answers.

1. Introduce Open-Ended Questions
   Open-ended questions encourage exploration and reflection, especially when a child is making a big decision. For instance, if they are considering joining a new activity or club, you might help them ask:
• “How would joining this activity make me feel?”
• “What do I hope to gain from being a part of this?”

These types of questions allow your child to explore feelings and goals, rather than just going with the option that feels easiest. Open-ended questions can help children understand not just what they are doing, but why they want to do it.

1. Practice “If…Then” Questions to Explore Consequences
   “If…then” questions are fantastic for helping children think ahead about potential outcomes. They are especially useful when your child is weighing options with clear pros and cons. here is how this might look:
• “If I choose to play video games now, then when will I finish my project?”
• “If I spend all my allowance on this one toy, then how will I save for other things I want?”

Practicing this type of question helps children think beyond the immediate “yes or no” and consider how their decision could affect their time, money, and even their relationships.

1. Encourage Self-Reflection with “How” Questions
   Self-reflection is a crucial part of decision-making, and “How” questions are a great way to get there. Encourage your child to ask questions like:
• “How will this choice help me reach my goals?”
• “How do I think I’ll feel about this decision tomorrow?”

These types of questions encourage children to assess their feelings and long-term satisfaction. Self-reflection builds emotional awareness, which is valuable for making thoughtful decisions.

Practicing Critical Thinking Through Everyday Scenarios

Helping your child become comfortable with asking questions is one part of the puzzle; the other part is putting it into practice. Everyday scenarios offer plenty of opportunities for practicing critical thinking. Here is how to turn daily choices into powerful learning moments.

1. Shopping Decisions
   Shopping—whether for clothes, food, or toys—provides a great chance for your child to weigh options and make decisions. If your child is deciding between two items, encourage them to ask:
• “Why do I want this particular item?”
• “What is my budget, and how does this fit into it?”
• “How often will I use this, and is it worth the cost?”

These questions help them assess the value of what they are buying and understand how their spending aligns with their goals or budget.

1. Handling Social Dilemmas
   Social dilemmas offer excellent practice in making thoughtful choices. Let us say your child is invited to hang out with a friend but also has a commitment to attend a family event. Encourage them to think it through by asking:
• “How will my friend feel if I can’t make it?”
• “How important is this family event to me, and why?”
• “What choice will I be happier with in the long run?”

Social situations can be tricky, and practicing critical thinking here helps children make choices based on empathy and self-awareness.

1. Planning Their Own Schedules
   Time management is an essential skill for any age, and scheduling decisions are a great way to practice it. If your child is balancing school, homework, and other responsibilities, guide them to ask questions like:
• “What are my most important tasks today?”
• “What can I save for later if I don’t have time?”
• “How will my schedule impact my energy or focus on the things that matter most?”

By asking these questions, children learn to prioritize, manage their energy, and plan their time more effectively.

1. Evaluating Media Choices
   From TV shows to social media, children are constantly making choices about what they consume. If they are unsure about something they want to watch or engage with, help them ask:
• “What do I hope to get out of watching this?”
• “How does this make me feel, and why?”
• “What else could I be doing with my time that might be more productive or fulfilling?”

Teaching children to critically evaluate their media choices encourages them to make decisions that support their well-being, rather than simply going with what is popular.

Helping children Differentiate Between Helpful and Harmful Questions

Teaching children the difference between helpful and harmful questions is key to building their confidence and focus. While some questions lead to deeper understanding and good choices, others can create doubt or unnecessary worry. By helping your child recognize the difference, you empower them to stay on track in their decision-making and prevent self-doubt from creeping in. Here is how to guide them.

1. Explain What Makes a Question Helpful
   A helpful question is one that encourages reflection, exploration, or problem-solving. It’s the kind of question that moves your child closer to making a decision or understanding something better. Here are a few examples:
• “What are my goals with this decision?”
• “How can I prepare if something goes wrong?”
• “What steps do I need to take next?”

Walk through these examples with your child and point out how each one has a purpose. Show that helpful questions are specific, solution-focused, and intended to make things clearer. A helpful question empowers them by providing valuable insight.

1. Identify Common Harmful Questions
   Harmful questions are those that create worry, insecurity, or focus too much on the negatives. These questions don’t help children move forward; instead, they make them feel stuck or unsure. Some examples of harmful questions include:
• “What if everyone laughs at me if I make a mistake?”
• “What if I never figure this out?”
• “Why am I so bad at this?”

Explain to your child that harmful questions are often self-critical, judgmental, or full of “what ifs” that aren’t based on facts. Let them know that everyone asks these types of questions sometimes, but it’s important to recognize when they are doing more harm than good.

1. Help Them Reframe Harmful Questions into Helpful Ones
   Show your child how to take a harmful question and turn it into something useful. For instance:
• Instead of “What if I fail?” they could ask, “what is one thing I can do to prepare myself better?”
• Instead of “Why am I so bad at this?” they could try, “What can I practice to get better at this?”

Reframing harmful questions can be tricky at first, but with some guidance, children can learn to identify when a question isn’t serving them and find ways to make it more constructive. This skill will help them keep a positive mindset and approach challenges with a problem-solving attitude.

1. Encourage Them to Practice Self-Compassion in Questioning
   Remind your child that they don’t need to have all the answers right away and that it’s okay to feel uncertain or make mistakes. Encourage questions that focus on growth rather than perfection. This can look like:
• “What did I learn from this experience?”
• “How can I be kinder to myself when I face a challenge?”

Self-compassionate questions remind children that they are learning, and they don’t have to be perfect to make good decisions. This approach builds resilience and helps them feel comfortable with the learning process, even when they make mistakes.

By fostering an environment that values thoughtful questioning, you give your child the freedom to think critically without fear of making mistakes. This approach builds trust and openness in your relationship, as your child begins to see you as a guide rather than just an authority. And as they grow, they will naturally start to reflect on their decisions and learn to adjust, which is one of the most essential life skills anyone can develop.

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Picture this: you are trying to get your child dressed for school, but they absolutely refuse to put on the clothes you have laid out. Instead, they insist on wearing their favorite outfit—which is currently in the laundry. You try reasoning, then negotiating, and finally, you find yourself at the brink of frustration. Sound familiar? If so, you are not alone. Dealing with a stubborn child can be one of the most challenging parts of parenting, but it is also a common phase in a child’s development.

Stubbornness is often a sign that your child is learning to assert their independence. While it can be frustrating at the moment, it is important to remember that this trait, if managed well, can be a strength. A child who knows what they want and stands their ground can grow up to be a determined and confident individual. However, as parents, the key is to guide that strong will in a way that teaches respect, cooperation, and understanding. In this post, we will explore how to handle stubborn behavior in children while maintaining your patience and helping them develop into well-rounded individuals.

Understand the Root Cause of Stubbornness

The first step in handling a stubborn child is understanding why they are behaving this way. Stubbornness doesn’t happen in a vacuum; it often stems from underlying emotions or unmet needs. Instead of viewing their refusal as an act of defiance, try to see it as a way of communicating something deeper.

Children may be stubborn for a variety of reasons:

• Frustration: They might be feeling overwhelmed or frustrated with a situation they don’t fully understand.
• Desire for Control: Young children, in particular, are learning about their sense of self and often want more control over their environment. Stubbornness can be a way for them to assert independence and test boundaries.
• Seeking Attention: Sometimes, children act out or dig in their heels as a way to get attention from their parents, even if it is negative attention.
• Feeling Misunderstood: Children might feel like their feelings or opinions are not being taken seriously, which leads to stubborn behavior as a way of being “heard.”

Example Scenario: If your child refuses to clean their room, instead of immediately insisting they do it, try asking, “Why don’t you want to clean your room right now?” You might discover they feel overwhelmed by the mess and don’t know where to start. In this case, offering to help them break it down into smaller tasks (like first picking up toys, then putting away books) can make the chore seem less daunting and reduce the resistance.

By showing empathy and trying to understand their perspective, you can defuse stubborn behavior before it escalates into a power struggle. When children feel heard and understood, they are more likely to cooperate, even if they don’t immediately get their way.

Stay Calm and Patient

When you are faced with stubborn behavior, your natural reaction might be to raise your voice, insist on compliance, or threaten punishment. However, reacting with frustration often makes the situation worse. Stubbornness tends to escalate when children sense that they are in a power struggle with you. This is why staying calm and patient is crucial.

Children look to their parents to model behavior. If they see you losing your temper, they may feel justified in doing the same. On the other hand, if you remain composed, you set a positive example for handling disagreements and stress. Your calmness can also help diffuse a tense situation, signaling to your child that there’s no need for conflict.

Example Scenario: Imagine your child is refusing to leave the playground. Instead of demanding, “we are leaving now!,” try saying, “I know you are having fun and it is hard to leave when you are enjoying yourself. How about we go home and plan another time to come back?” Acknowledging their feelings while still sticking to the plan shows that you are calm and reasonable.

You could also try setting a timer and calmly explaining, “In five minutes, We will have to go. I will give you a heads-up when it is time.” This gives your child time to mentally prepare and feel a sense of control, without the pressure of sudden change.

Remember, staying patient doesn’t mean being a pushover. You can hold firm boundaries, but do so in a way that is calm, consistent, and empathetic. This balance of calm authority helps children understand that while they can express their feelings, there are still rules they need to follow.

Offer Choices, Not Demands

One of the most effective strategies for handling stubborn behavior is giving your child a sense of control through choices. Stubbornness often stems from a child’s desire for autonomy—when they feel like they have no say in what is happening, they dig their heels in as a form of resistance. By offering choices, you allow them to assert independence in a healthy, constructive way, while still guiding them towards the outcome you need.

The key here is to provide limited choices. Instead of open-ended options that can overwhelm them, offer two or three options that are all acceptable to you. This gives your child a feeling of control, without leaving the door open for undesirable outcomes.

Example Scenario: If your child is resisting doing their homework, instead of demanding, “You have to do your homework right now!,” you can offer them a choice like, “Would you rather do your homework before dinner or after dinner?” Both options lead to the same result, but your child feels empowered by being able to make the decision on their own terms.

Another example might be when it is time to clean up their toys. Rather than saying, “Clean up your toys right now,” you could try, “Would you like to clean up your legos first or your cars first?” Giving them the opportunity to choose keeps the task manageable and reduces resistance.

By framing tasks as choices rather than demands, you respect your child’s growing need for independence while still guiding them toward responsibility. This not only helps reduce power struggles but also builds their decision-making skills and sense of ownership over their actions.

Ultimately, the goal is to turn moments of stubbornness into opportunities for your child to practice making decisions within reasonable boundaries. Over time, this approach helps foster cooperation, while also allowing your child to develop confidence in their ability to make choices.

Be Consistent with Boundaries

Consistency is key when dealing with stubborn behavior. Children, especially stubborn ones, often push boundaries to see how much they can get away with. If the rules and consequences are constantly changing, they will keep testing your limits. But when boundaries are clear and consistent, your child knows exactly what to expect, which can reduce their need to push back.

Think of boundaries as the framework that helps guide your child’s behavior. They create a sense of security because your child knows what is allowed and what isn’t. Inconsistency, on the other hand, sends mixed messages, confusing your child about what the rules really are. This can lead to more resistance and stubborn behavior.

Example Scenario: Imagine you have told your child that bedtime is at 8:00 PM. One night, they insist on staying up later to finish a TV show. If you let them stay up that night, but the next night you enforce the 8:00 PM rule again, your child will likely challenge bedtime more often. However, if you stay consistent, even when they protest, they will eventually understand that bedtime is non-negotiable and stop trying to resist.

It is important to remember that consistency doesn’t mean being harsh. You can be firm with boundaries while still being kind and understanding. For instance, if your child is upset about bedtime, you can acknowledge their feelings by saying, “I know it is hard to stop watching when you are enjoying something, but it is important to get enough sleep. We can watch more tomorrow.” This approach combines empathy with consistency, helping your child feel heard while understanding that the rules remain unchanged.

Sometimes, setting boundaries before a situation escalates can prevent stubbornness altogether. For example, before going to a store, you can explain the expectations: “we are going to the store to pick up some groceries. we are not buying toys today.” By setting the boundary ahead of time, your child knows what to expect, which can reduce resistance later on.

Use Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool for encouraging good behavior, especially in stubborn children. Instead of focusing only on what they are doing wrong, praise your child for the things they are doing right. Children thrive on attention, and when they receive positive attention for good behavior, they are more likely to repeat it.

Stubborn children often dig in their heels because they want to feel in control. By using positive reinforcement, you can give them control in a way that benefits both of you. Rather than battling over every small act of defiance, you can focus on reinforcing the behaviors you want to see.

You can also set up a simple reward system for specific behaviors. For example, if your child struggles with tidying up their room, you could create a chart where they earn a star for every day they clean up without a reminder. Once they earn a certain number of stars, they can choose a small reward, like extra playtime or a family movie night. This turns the task into a fun challenge, making it more likely that they will cooperate.

Example Scenario: If your child is stubborn about sharing with a sibling, catch them in the moment when they do share and offer positive reinforcement right away. You might say, “That was really nice of you to let your sister play with your toy. you are being a great big brother!” This immediate acknowledgment makes it clear that sharing is a behavior you value, and your child will be more likely to repeat it.

While rewards can be effective, it is important not to overuse them. You don’t want your child to expect a prize for every little thing they do. Balance rewards with verbal praise and focus on intrinsic motivation—the satisfaction they feel when they have done something right. This helps them develop a sense of responsibility and pride in their actions, rather than relying on external rewards.

Using positive reinforcement shifts the focus from punishment to encouragement. It helps your child see that good behavior is noticed and appreciated, which can reduce the need for power struggles. 

Encourage Communication

One of the most effective ways to handle stubborn behavior in children is through open, honest communication. Stubbornness often arises from a child feeling misunderstood or unheard, so giving them a chance to express their thoughts and emotions can help reduce defiance. Encouraging communication creates a safe space for your child to share how they feel, making them more likely to cooperate.

When your child feels heard, they are more willing to listen in return. Sometimes, stubbornness is their way of asserting control or expressing frustration. By listening without judgment, you allow them to voice their concerns, which often leads to finding a solution together.

It is important to create a non-confrontational environment for communication. If your child feels like they are being grilled or judged, they may shut down. Instead, approach the conversation calmly and with empathy. Avoid harsh tones or immediate demands like “Why aren’t you listening?” Instead, say something like, “Let us talk about what is going on. I want to understand how you are feeling.”

Example Scenario: If your child refuses to do their homework, instead of immediately getting into an argument, you could ask, “You seem frustrated with your homework. What is making it hard for you today?” Maybe they are overwhelmed, tired, or unsure about the assignment. By encouraging them to communicate their thoughts, you can address the root cause of their resistance, rather than just the surface behavior.

Once your child starts communicating, make sure you are actively listening. This means not interrupting, nodding in acknowledgment, and responding thoughtfully to what they have shared. You can also repeat back what they have said to show you are paying attention: “So you are feeling tired because you didn’t sleep well last night. That makes sense, and I understand why it is hard to focus on homework now.”

Through communication, you can identify any underlying issues contributing to their stubbornness. This opens the door for problem-solving together, rather than engaging in a power struggle. Encouraging communication doesn’t mean you let your child have their way; it means you work together to find solutions that respect both their feelings and your expectations.

Final Thoughts

Teaching problem-solving skills helps your child see that obstacles can be worked through with a bit of creativity and patience. It is a skill that will not only help with stubbornness but will also benefit them throughout their lives.

Handling stubborn children is a challenge that many parents face, but it is important to remember that stubbornness is often a sign of a child’s growing need for independence, self-expression, and control over their environment. While it can be frustrating at the moment, the strategies we have discussed can help turn those power struggles into opportunities for growth, connection, and learning.

Ultimately, the goal is to raise a child who feels heard, respected, and empowered to navigate challenges with confidence. And with these practical strategies, you are well on your way to making that happen.

We also have a guide on how to deal with stubborn children. Send GUIDE to this email to access it: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.